FollowI am an empath. A sponge for others emotions. When it’s just a few people, I’m fairly good at shielding myself. Most days anyway. Some days I find myself crying or yelling or laughing, and I have no idea why until I realize that I’m just acting off of someone else’s emotion. I’m sure those closest to me could tell you stories of days when I didn’t do a very good job shielding myself.
When there is a large group of people feeling the same emotions, my shields fail. If the group is happy, I am on top of the world. I laugh hard and loud, feel the joy more deeply, just because of the number of people around me. When that emotion is sadness and anger, it’s such a huge weight. It’s hard to explain.
And then early Sunday morning, an unthinkable act of violence struck down 49 young men and women and wounded 53 more. With no clear picture as to why a young man would walk into a crowded nightclub and open fire with a semi-automatic weapon, our city is left raw. Grieving for our lost loved ones, searching for answers where seemingly there are none, trying to ignore the barrage of hate-filled comments from those who won’t even let us heal a little before taking on their own agendas.
Orlando is hurting so badly right now, and I am feeling it all. Every bit of the pain, anger, and unfortunately the hatred. It’s weighing on me so heavily that I am experiencing moments where I can hardly breathe.
I think I’m going to have to take a break from social media and the news and the radio. I don’t think I can handle this amount of raw emotion for much longer.